I went out last night; I hardly go out without purpose anymore.
I had a nice time, talked with many wonderful people that I know from my neighborhood, and had a few small alcoholic beverages in addition to my non-alcoholic choice.
It's interesting to be outside the main social groups now, when I was in my 20s and 30s I had solid friend groups, it feels now in my 40s that I've become more of the observer. I believe I was always an observer, but the addition of alcohol and running from trauma changed my mind to be more included, more loud, more dynamic, less of myself. I'm a little more static now, more myself, and content with it. I've made peace with my traumas and know I could never run from them, they are part of me.
I do enjoy my alone time, but I'm thankful I still get to meet with others.
I might do it again sometime.